Stupor.

I don't know why but, recently I feel so apathetic about everything. Like I'm just floating in the air and I don't have anywhere to go. I should be feeling happy because things are going the way I want them to but somehow, something is missing and I don't know what it is. I would be really great to know what it is so that I could maybe get out of this stupor and be productive once again. I hate not being productive.

It's like I just really don't care. But I should. It scares me because it might backfire and I know it's going to backfire like shit. Argh. I hate feeling like this.

Fall Series. Antique.

So I'm back and school is still very tough (especially 2Danim2!) but I'm trying to get through it. Anyway onto my thoughts.

Fall TV Shows.

I know it's long overdue but I'm really glad that most of the TV series that I follow in the States are back on air. Though, internet in the condo is making it very hard to watch a show on time, we still manage to finish and watch it by the end of the day or at least in the wee hours of the morning. I don't think I would survive a week with all the spoilers posted on Twitter about The Vampire Diaries, Walking Dead, American Horror Story, etc. I wish this season wouldn't have to end :( But I have to be honest, the only thing that makes me excited that 2013 is coming very close is that Game of Thrones is also coming back by March! I can't wait to see what happens to the Starks and Winterfell! I'm sure it's going to be very interesting. 

Antique.

Two weeks ago, we--along with my Dad's siblings and their family went to Antique for our Lola's birthday. I had to rush all my requirements just so my professors could excuse me for missing my midterms. It was all worth it. Anyway, we were there for almost 5 days and made sure to make the most out of our short stay. Well, minus that one day after Lola's birthday where we had no choice but to bum around because it was raining like crazy. Good thing my aunts extended the karaoke for another day so we could sing while it's raining. Who cares if your voice isn't good, it's raining already anyway!

Lola's Birthday was a blast. My cousins and I had matching gray shirt and our parents wore colorful shirts--I felt like the house is going to explode with all the colors! 

After the rainy day that consumed our post-birthday celebration, we decided to drink by a bonfire because my cousin was hell bent on creating a bonfire and we wanted to drink as well. Yes I think we're crazy. But I like going to Antique and bonding with my Dad's side of the family. I admit, I'm closer to them than my Mom's side but that's 'cause we don't really see each other anymore. It's also crazy how even when some of my cousins are in the province, the moment that we meet up feels like we haven't been away for months. I feel so lucky!

Oh and we freakkin ate 'something' but we all knew at first that it was something else because that's what they told us, and they made us eat that something and now I think I have trust issues. Okay it's confusing but I still don't know if I should write about that :|

Anyway, I'm gonna write about Sponge Cola tomorrow. I need to be up by 5am. Ugh I hate Monday morning classes.

Stuck.

This week was definitely the craziest that I've had in the past few months. My roommates and I spent the whole week holed up in our little condo because the rains brought by the southwest monsoon had the whole metro soaked up in its wetness. It had us on our toes every night watching out for the suspension of classes and the rain was so intense that we can't even go out of the building because the flood is already knee-deep. But it gave us a chance to bond so much--so much that we're starting to get sick of each other's faces. I'm not kidding :))

Our room also became an evacuation center because all our canned goods and the food that we brought for the condo were all over the place. Plus our friend from the 41st floor decided to sleep over since it's scary when the weather is this crazy and you're all alone. Even when ours is just 12 floors up, it's scary seeing the blue sky getting covered with black clouds. I was worried for everybody but myself. I know that flood won't reach me unless I go down our building and with my height, you would know.

Once, we we're out of cheese rings food and toiletries, we decided to go down the lobby but once we saw that the flood in front of our building was already knee-deep and probably even higher, we thought twice about going out. Our friend decided that she'll just risk it (don't even dare to try that, it's dangerous!) so she waded through the flooded streets and into the next building to buy stuff for us. Aww we love you Yvs ♥  We shall complain about not having our own convenience store in the condo, don't worry! Anyway once the rain stopped the next day, we went to the grocery right away so we wouldn't get caught off guard ever again. But omg lol we bought a hundred pesos worth of cheese rings, just because. :)))

And yeah I felt my flu creeping up on me while I was doing my 3D in the cafe. Now, I'm sick and it feels so crazy -.-

Bus thoughts.

This is why I love Wifi busses. They let me abuse their wifi as long as I'm on the bus, plus it goes straight to Southwoods; which would get me home 2x faster! Finally, a bus that caters to my needs :))

Anyway, the La Salle - Ateneo game earlier was so intense, I decided to stay in the condo to watch it with my roommates and friends. We were so noisy; it was so much fun! I wonder how we'll be when we watch the game together. We haven't really done that :(

 This game reminds me so much of how I miss my best friend, Khey Ceeh. We were such big fans of Ateneo during the era of Fonacier, Tiu, Intal, etc. I miss watching and spazzing with her :(( And it's so ironic how I used to love Ateneo but I ended up studying in the sister school of DLSU.

Oh on a different note, the traffic in EDSA-Buendia is terrible!

Roadblock

For days I've been figuring out and trying to organize my mind on what I want to write here. And every time I come up with something, I always run into a roadblock. So I guess I'm just gonna go random and write what ever is on my mind at the moment.

Right now, I'm still trying to contemplate my decisions for the coming months. It's going to be crucial but I still can't spill anything about it. All I know is that if everything works out well for me and if it actually pushes through, I might be on my way to RI by fall, next year. It's going to be a very hard decision but I know it's also an obvious one.

I'm just praying for everything to work out so I could stop living nervously *-*

This feeling.

I'm excited. I really am. Though it may not be obvious to everybody anymore, I am excited in my own way. Frankly, I want to yell at the top of my lungs because I missed them more than anything. You guys have no idea how much. But I can't shake the feeling that if I go back to that space, I'll get lost in this feeling again. They do have an effect like that. And yes I'm writing pretty vaguely tonight because I don't want to cause anything by putting everything out there.

Being what I was is pretty exhausting but I love it. I still love it but I guess my priorities are more important to me right now. I know I have a lot of responsibilities also but being in my position right now, it's really really hard to keep tabs on everything. Especially when you're taking on 6 major subjects and all of them have equally crazy amount of work to be done by the end of the term.

I don't know. I'm not ranting, I just needed to let this out. Some people maybe wondering why I've been so out of the loop and MIA most of the time. So here it is :]

/I was about to write about my adventures at UST the other day but I guess that's for another day heehee/

Baby Boy

When I was a kid (I can't say 'little' since I never really grew that much. Haha.), I had a group of friends that I thought would last forever. But I guess as we grew older and went to different high schools and colleges, we started drifting apart. Now after a few years, I bumped into one of my childhood crushes in our street last Sunday night. I can't say who but he isn't in my group. He's a bit older and he had a different set of friends in the village but he's definitely connected to us.

I bumped into him as I was about to buy something in the store and there I noticed that he looked so... old and tired. But I know that he's still in his early 20's so I thought that maybe it was stress from work. We exchanged a few hello's and how are you's and as I was paying, he said that he'll walk me home. I was giddy inside, to be really frank. Hey it's not every night that some one gets to walk me home. Plus he's my crush :))

He asked me about college, my course and generally about life. We talked so much about me that I almost forgot to ask about him. We sat down on the gutter in front of my house and I decided to ask about him. He had that bittersweet emotion on his face when he started saying stuff about family, school and friends, but as he revealed about his son, his face became soft, carefree and happy.

To tell the truth, I was startled when he started talking about his son. I wasn't ready to hear him say that, because I guess, to me, he's still that cute 16y/o that I've been crushing on since forever. But as his stories go deeper and more serious, the more I realize that he's still trying to cope with everything. He started telling me stuff about his life after his son was born and how hard it is to take care of his "wife" and son; how he's so envious of the people around his age being free of this responsibility. He loves his son. He's very sure of that, but he also wanted a free life, well maybe for a few more years before having a kid but what else can he do?

I wanted to comfort him but I don't know how. It's not like someone's always spilling their guts to me in this kind of way. So I really don't know how to react. He decided to trust me and I know my hug will never be enough to show him my support and all but at the same time in my mind, I wanted to slap him and yell that he should've known better. But who am I to do such thing? I feel like a bad friend.

I know that he knows better now. And hopefully this isn't the first and last time we'll talk. No, it's not because I still have a slight crush on him (haha), but because it sure seems like he needs someone to just listen to him. Maybe someday I'll have the courage to smack some sense to him--or maybe just tap some. Hurting him wouldn't really do justice to this whole thing ;)